


Happy Birthday, Strider

by douchebag_T_rex



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Birthdays, Drunken Shenanigans, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Inter-species sloppy makeouts, M/M, Porn, Sex, Tentacle/Nook, What are tags this is difficult, Xenophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-27
Updated: 2013-05-27
Packaged: 2017-12-13 03:20:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/819358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/douchebag_T_rex/pseuds/douchebag_T_rex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Dave's sixteenth birthday and Rose teaches the trolls how to throw a surprise party!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Happy Birthday, Strider

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic ever. And my first work of fiction in a long, long time. Please excuse my amateur writing skills. Some editing has been done but I will take suggestions because I feel like it doesn't sound right.

“OKAY I'M FUCKING HERE, NOW WHAT IN JEGUS'S NAME ARE WE DOING AGAIN?” Karkat stood in the doorway looking peeved as ever. Rose sighed. At least he was being cooperative.   
“It's a surprise party for Dave. Humans celebrate their uh... 'wriggling' day and it's kind of a big deal on Earth. I want to do something fun here for once and he's seemed depressed lately. This will cheer him up.”  
“Oh. Okay then, what do I have to do?” Karkat replied. He was uncharacteristically placid, catching Rose off guard.   
“Just, uh. Okay then, well we all hide and turn out the lights. And when Dave walks in we turn on the lights and yell 'surprise.' Then we have fun and give him gifts. It's very simple- OH SHIT!”   
The door was opening, they were unprepared and everything would turn out to be a disaster, oh. It's just Terezi. “OKAY” Rose shouted. “Everyone fucking hide now! Terezi, we're going to jump out and yell 'surprise' when Dave comes in, got it? Good. HIDE!”  
Terezi rolled her eyes and took a sip of Faygo as Rose put out the light, dragging Kanaya and the Mayor behind a sofa. Moments later, the door opened again.   
“SURPRISE!” everyone yelled at a bewildered Dave in the doorway. 

“Holy shit, Rose!” Dave was flustered. He hadn't celebrated a birthday like this in three years. “You're awesome, sis.” he said as he hugged Rose. Dave glanced around the room. Everyone but Gamzee was in attendance, and the trolls looked out of place amongst the colorful decorations Rose had draped the room in. Music played in the background. Rose had somehow managed to alchemize a sweet sound system and a playlist containing both Earthling and Alternian tracks. The Mayor was already dancing. You just gotta love the Mayor.  
Rose skipped to a table she had set up with an admirable amount of freshly alchemized liquor and soda. She cracked her knuckles. “So, Dave. We're going to have a stereotypical eighties-movie high school party up here on this rock.” She got to work pouring a variety of liquids into glasses for everyone. “No boundaries! Just lots of fun, okay?”   
Dave chuckled, “Alright, I'm in. I don't even care if I go blind from this shit.”   
“Hell yeah, Strider!” Terezi yelled. She was dancing with the Mayor in the center of the room. Karkat glanced from Dave to Terezi and back again. They were smiling at each other, Terezi's dancing suddenly became very seductive. Karkat scowled and retrieved two glasses of an unidentifiable substance from Rose.  
“Hey Strider, happy wriggling day.” He shoved the drink at an amused Dave.   
“I didn't really think you'd be into this, kk. I thought you were gonna stand in that corner being a tightass and bitching about everything all night.” Dave smirked and gave Karkat a reassuring fist bump to the shoulder. Karkat's stomach dropped at the touch. He swallowed and tried to think of something to say. Of all the times to be speechless...  
His thought process was interrupted by Dave coughing.   
“God, Rose! What is this?” He shouted, pointing at his cup. She only laughed at him and winked. Dave looked down at his cup again grimacing. “Rose has become the new egbert of pranks. I bet she gave you straight liquor too.” Dave bent forward to sniff Karkat's drink. “Yep. She got both of us.” he said with a smirk. Suddenly Karkat knew what to say,  
“I bet I could drink more of this stuff than you AND not be a fucking wriggler about it, Strider.”  
“Is that a dare?” Dave replied.  
“Fuck yes, it is!”  
“We're on. Rose, c'mere a second!” Karkat watched Dave speak to Rose but didn't hear anything they said. Why did he always have to be so mean and competitive with Dave? Why couldn't he just say... the stuff. The stuff that needs to be said?  
Rose was grinning, “Okay, boys. You can play your silly, power-hungry game. I'll get the Mayor to keep score.” Karkat looked at Dave who raised his eyebrows.   
“You're going down, Vantas!”  
“Hell no, Strider. I'm gonna be dragging your stupid ass to bed tonight...” Karkat paused, “I mean, to your room, you know. Because you won't be able to walk... loser!” Oh Jegus, that was awful. He would never live that down. But Dave laughed.   
“You're a weird little troll, KK.”

The Mayor was drawing tally marks on the table with Terezi's blue chalk. So far, Karkat and Dave had both had five shots of Rose's most volatile vodka. She and Kanaya were laughing over their own drinks at the idiocy going on between the boys. They'd each had a few shots of more high quality booze too. Terezi was the only sober one, save the Mayor, and acted as the commentator, narrating their every move and cheering or booing them.   
“Can they stand!? On the spot field sobriety test! Uh oh, looks like Dave is stumbling, Karkat ain't too steady either but he's managing to stay upright! Alright, back to the chairs! Karkat, did you really have to captchalogue yours? Ugh. Okay, Mayor, two more!” The Mayor poured two more tiny glasses for the kids. They both downed them in one gulp. Dave burped loudly and suddenly his face hit the table.   
“Unnnggg, Karkat, you win. I give uuhhp.” He giggled. Karkat blushed at the sound.   
“You mean I beat the legendary Dave Strider at something?” He said carefully as not to slur his words. Karkat realized he was smiling stupidly at Dave but he didn't care. Actually, Dave was grinning at Karkat like an idiot too.   
“Uh uh, Karkat's not the winner yet. You're tied six to six. Ready for one more, nubby?” Terezi flashed him an evil grin and wiggled the glass in her fingertips.   
“Fuck you, clown-pailer! And yeah, give it here.” Karkat shouted at her. The Mayor poured another shot and crept away to his little can game behind the couch. He hated it when the kids fought. Karkat's hands felt heavy so he slid the two ounce glass toward himself before picking it up. He gulped it back and felt it burn his tongue and throat. Terezi slammed her hands on the table.  
“VANTAS WINS!” She shouted. “Alright, well this has been fun but I've got shit to do. Later.” She walked out as Rose began to protest.   
“I can't believe she left this early! We've only been here for half an hour!” Rose frowned. “I'm sorry, Dave. I know you guys are having a rough time.”  
“I say good riddance.” Karkat slurred, a sassy tone to his voice. Dave laughed at this.  
“Acktchally, Rose -HIC- I agree. Tereshy and I broke up and I'mmm happy bout it. It's okay.” he said, his head still on the table. Karkat noticed that his sunglasses were askew. He could see one closed eye and shifted in his seat a bit. Somehow that was incredibly sexy.   
Rose raised her eyebrow at Dave but said nothing else. She poured more drinks for herself and Kanaya and led her on to the 'dance floor.' The lights went out and Kanaya became luminescent. Karkat heard Rose giggle and whisper something to her matesprit. They were wobbling and stumbling together. Having a kiss here and there. A pang of jealousy hit him. He wanted what they had.   
His mouth was sticky. Karkat reached across the table for a bottle of soda and was overcome with dizziness. As he grabbed the bottle he fell sideways into Dave, causing both of them to fall over in a drunken entanglement of limbs and chair legs.  
“OH SHIT, KARKAT!” Dave laughed between words and straightened out his shades. “We're a fuckin' mess, bro.”   
“Heh, yeah.” Karkat responded. He lay on top of Dave, their faces were nearly touching. Karkat was straddling one of Dave's legs, his own thigh against his warm bulge. Dave's other leg was propped on the overturned chair, his hand touching it seductively. Dave smiled and took the hand off his thigh. He brought it to his head and placed it gently on Karkat's hand. Oh god, he hadn't realized he had his fingers in Dave's hair. Karkat mumbled an apology and tried to remove his hand, but Dave interlaced their fingers. He liked it being there. It felt like they'd been staring at each other for eternity when Dave lifted his head and-  
“OHHH MY GOD YOU GUYS! ARE YOU OKAY?” Rose stumbled and plopped onto the floor next to them. Kanaya stood behind her.  
“They're fine!” Kanaya laughed and helped her up. “Come on, weren't we just discussing finding somewhere more intimate to go?” She bit her lip and looked into Rose's lustful eyes.   
“Mmm yes. Let's go.” She wrapped her arm around Kanaya who turned around to wink at the boys before leaving. How is it that she always gets these things?

Karkat turned to look at Dave again, but with Kanaya gone there was no light. He heard Dave chuckle and felt him release his hand. Dave produced a smuppet-light from his sylladex. Its glorious round booty glowed, illuminating Dave's face.  
“I got bored one day and made this thing.” He shrugged. “Knew it would come in handy.” He looked up at Karkat and then frowned.  
“I... maybe we shouldn't do this.” He said in a sorrowful manner. Karkat looked at him quizzically.   
“But you're the one who- dammit, never mind.” He stood up on wobbly legs and put his chair upright again. He opened a bottle of Rose's raspberry rum and took a drink from it as he sat down. It was much better than the other stuff.  
“Don't be like that, man.” Dave held the edge of the table and pulled himself up. “I just don't know if I want to fucking do it with another dude!” Dave actually shouted the last few words. Karkat picked up his chair and gestured toward it.  
“Just sit and calm down. You're drunk, it's fine.” he said without looking up. He drank from the bottle again. The warm feeling in his body was comforting. The fuzzy feeling in his head was making it easier to deal with being turned down. Again.   
Dave sat down and snagged the bottle, taking a long drink. Karkat raised his eyebrows at him.  
“Okay, I kinda let you win that contest. I used to drink with my friends all the time.” Dave hated admitting this. He knew what Karkat would ask next.  
“Why would you let me win?”  
There it was. Now for the big fucking revelation. Dave leaned his head back and sighed.   
“Because I didn't want to get too drunk. With you. Because I knew this shit would happen and I don't know what to...ugh.” Dave took another drink and offered Karkat the bottle. He took it, brushing Dave's hand in the process. Shivers passed up Dave's spine and he bit his lip. “I don't know what to feel about... this.”  
“Is it the human homosexual thing?” Karkat asked. Dave sighed.  
“Sort of. Even though I know trolls all have like, the same junk. And I know from Terezi that troll junk is definitely compatible with my junk. Heh.” Dave turned bright red and Karkat looked away. He'd always assumed it had happened, but actually knowing about Dave screwing Terezi made his eyes sting with tears for a second. Especially because he and Terezi had barely done anything when they were together. Double blow. Karkat took another sip of the rum and handed it to Dave. They'd been sitting in an awkward silence for a full minute now. He had to do something.  
“Karkat...” It almost sounded like Dave was pleading with him. He looked up and found that Dave was closer than before.   
“Dave?” He tried not to sound so desperate.   
“I know I like you... I have, um, red feelings for you. I just don't know how I feel about having the feelings.” Dave sighed. He wished his head weren't so cloudy so he could sound cooler. God, when did Karkat's fucking face get so close. He put the rum on the table and slowly reached up, running his hands through Karkat's hair and caressing his nubby horns. God those nubby horns are sexy.  
They were ridiculously close now. Karkat could feel Dave's hot liquor breath on his face. Dave's hands in his hair felt amazing. The warm drunk feeling in his body intensified; Dave's touch was like a drug. He pulled back a bit and placed his hands on Dave's face. He slowly lifted up those godawful-yet-really-fucking-sexy sunglasses and placed them on the table. Dave's pupils were red. Unlike any of the other humans. Karkat realized they were both mutants. It was like they'd been put together on this rock for a reason. He grasped his face a bit tighter and said,  
“I love you too, Dave.” 

Neither of them knew who initiated it, but suddenly their faces were smashed together. Mouths open, tongues colliding, they kissed each other in a way they had never experienced with anyone else.   
“So, Karkat,” Dave gasped between kisses, “you finally got your sloppy human-troll make out session.” He sighed as Karkat pulled at his lower lip with his teeth.  
“So much better than I expected.” Karkat murmured before biting down on Dave's lip.  
Dave gasped in painful pleasure. He tasted his own blood and liked it. He dug his fingernails into Karkat's scalp, pulling on his thick hair. Karkat moaned and Dave couldn't stand it anymore. His built up lust toward his friend took over completely. In a swift motion, he slid his hands under Karkat's thighs and pulled him into his lap. Karkat straddled him and Dave could feel their bulges touching and begging to be let free. Karkat pulled Dave's shirt over his head, and smiled as Dave struggled to get out of the sleeves. Even cool guys are awkward when they get naked. He took off his shirt as well and kissed down Dave's neck and chest until he reached a nipple. Karkat looked up into Dave's eyes as he licked and sucked on it. He grazed his teeth over it lightly.   
“Fuck, Vantas. Where'd you learn that one?” Dave breathed as he pulled Karkat up by the neck to kiss him again.   
“Human porn. Where the fuck else?” He laughed as he gasped for air. Dave's grip had been tight but he liked it. Karkat dug his nails into Dave's back when he felt teeth on his neck. “Ahhh, Strider... that's good.” he sighed.  
“So you like it rough, huh?” Dave was smiling. His eyes twinkling with lust. Karkat bit his lip and looked into those red eyes. Before he could respond he was on his back. Dave had picked him right up and straddled him on the floor.   
“Fuck yes I do.” he finally said.  
“Good.” Dave pressed his lips against Karkat's and started grinding on him. He couldn't believe he was about to fuck Karkat Vantas on the floor of a laboratory on a meteor traveling at the speed of light on his sixteenth birthday. Of course he'd fantasized about it, but never thought it would be this good.   
Karkat moaned and grabbed Dave by the shoulders. He pushed him upright onto his knees and started tugging those dumb red pajama pants down. Dave pulled off his shoes and tossed them to the side. He tried unbuttoning Karkat's jeans but couldn't seem to get it undone before Karkat's lips were wrapped around his member.   
“Ah, yes. God, yes Vantas.” Dave groaned as Karkat sucked at his head. Dave had been on the receiving end of many blowjobs in his life, but none like this. He ran his hands through the black mop of hair on Karkat's head. Karkat looked up at Dave with intense eyes that made his stomach flip.   
“Get those fucking pants off, Karkat.” He gasped. Karkat slowly licked up his shaft as he unbuttoned his jeans and started to pull them off. He grazed his bottom teeth across the head of Dave's penis like he'd done earlier with his nipple. Dave moaned in pleasure and shoved Karkat to the ground, pulling his jeans to his ankles as he took as much of Karkat's tentacle as he could into his mouth. He heard Karkat grunting as he sucked at it and felt pleased with himself. Karkat's hands were tangled in his hair, tugging at it every time Dave pushed the red tentacle into himself.  
“Oh god, Strider. Keep fucking going.” Karkat moaned. He pushed Dave's head down to get deeper. Dave kept sucking and working it up and down with his hand. His hard on ached for more attention but he liked making Karkat moan like that. He felt between Karkat's legs with two fingers until he found his nook. He felt Karkat wiggling underneath him to get at least one shoe and pant-leg off. When he did, he opened his legs for Dave to gain entry. Dave massaged it until it was wet enough to slide his fingers into. Karkat faintly cried out in pleasure. He made lots of noises. Fuck, Dave thought he could probably get off just hearing Karkat's sex sounds.   
“Get up here.” Karkat growled. Dave complied and crawled forward so their chests were pressed together. Karkat grabbed his head and started to make out with him again, clawing at his back as he did so.   
“Fuck me, Dave.” Karkat whispered in Dave's ear. Dave thought he might blow right there it was so hot. He grabbed Karkat's thighs and knelt between them, holding one of his legs up for a better position. He held his dick in place and pressed the tip against Karkat's nook holding it there for a second to see the expression of agony on his friend's face. Then he thrust his hips and half of it was in. Karkat gasped for breath and dug his nails into Dave's shoulders. Dave thrust his hips again and let Karkat wrap his legs around his waist so they could be closer. They were panting, they both knew it wouldn't last long with all of the built up anticipation. They dripped with sweat. Dave could feel the scrapes on his back bleeding. They panted harder with every second that passed, creating a symphony of pleasure noises. Grunting and breathing and moaning filled the room.  
“I'm about to come.” Dave panted. “Can I stay in you?”   
“Yeah just keep going. Keep going, I'm almost there.” Karkat murmured. “Fuck I don't have a bucket!”   
“Fuck the bucket, I'll clean you up.” Dave gasped between thrusts. His eyes rolled back and he cried out as he finished. He wanted nothing more than to collapse right there but he needed to finish Karkat off. They kissed between short breaths and Dave went down again. Almost immediately Karkat gasped and his tentacle released a lot of sticky red goo that Dave seductively lapped up.  
Only the sounds of their heavy breathing filled the room now. Dave laid down next to Karkat and they held each other and smiled.   
“So I probably should have suggested this earlier, but would you like to come up to my room, Karkat?” Dave laughed, “We could grab some of this food and watch one of your stupid movies.” He was really trying hard not to look this giddy, but it was something that couldn't be avoided.   
“Sure thing, smiley.” Karkat smirked, but he was just as giddy. The boys joked around and mock-argued as usual while they got dressed and walked out the door holding hands. 

 

The only source of light was Dave's smuppet. Slowly, the Mayor crept out from behind the couch. He was shaking. He'd never witnessed something so horrible in his life. And he witnessed a motherfucking bloodbath at one point!  
It happened so quickly that he didn't have time to get out. Then he was paralyzed with fear behind the couch, forced to listen to the horror that is drunken teenage sex.  
As if in a trance, he sat down with what remained of the rum. His dead eyes stared into the distance as he drank himself into oblivion in hopes he would forget what he'd seen.

 

The End.

**Author's Note:**

> This originally had a super fluffy ending but when I read it back I realized I forgot to write the Mayor exiting. And I had this mental image of him hiding behind the couch scared out of his mind while all of this went on. And it was too great to pass up.


End file.
